To Ma Hommies

now i noe dis is actually a love song lah...but sumhow when i hear it...i think of aaron singh...of ruben...of jim...of varun...of michelle...of ferdy...so d nxt time u ppl hear dis song...u noe im thinking of u...:D

"Here By Me"

I hope you’re doing fine out there without me
‘Cause I’m not doing so good without you
The things I thought you’d never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood

So how could I have been so blind for all these years?
Guess I only see the truth through all this fear,
And living without you…

And everything I have in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

I can’t take another day without you
‘Cause baby, I could never make it on my own
I’ve been waiting so long, just to hold you
And to be back in your arms where I belong

Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
But everything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love…

And everything I have in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

As the days grow long I see
That time is standing still for me
When you’re not here

Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
Everything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I have in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

And everything I have in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me

love u guys man...really do from d bottom of my heart...thanx for everything ppl...

Gloomy Day

dats pretty much wut it looks like outside my window....d gloominess i mean...sigh...its such a gloomy day....n its making me even gloomier...so lazy to do my work...its d kinda day u jst wanna curl up n bed n stay there....

but i cant...got exam on fri n sat....n today is tues....fri paper 90% done already so thats all good...

but sats paper...basic electronics....oh my god...so many things....this current n that voltage...wut in gods green earth possessed me to take this subject??learning abt current saturation till even my brain got saturated..sigh...

i hate gloomy days....i hate exams....i hate slumps....i hate that my friends have problems n i cant help them....its jst a gloomy day making me hate everything from the dark clouds to where i m in my life rite now...

did i mention i hate gloomy days??

Half Time

WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!yes...im a happy happy camper....well...at least i will b until tmr morn when i wake up n realize i pissed away 2 days that could have been used to study for my exams that r at d end of dis week...

but neway..i finished 2 of d 5 papers on fri...my worst paper was statistical computing...m pretty sure i shall b able to pass with more than a C...which means ill nvr have to sit for it again or look at java programming in my life again....hence d happiness...:D

so jon was down for the weekend...i havent actually sat down n talked wv him since dec 2004...yeah...that long...he was my head boy bk when i was in form6...he was in a upper 6 while i was in lower 6...but we clicked jst fine...n he stayed real close to me..so he was down...n we went for a movie with him...now..even jst putting varun, jon, mich and I together like dat is already a recipe for laughter...but putting us in a comedy show like wild hogs that was laden with double meanings all over the place....now dats jst god having too much fun....the movie was great...worth every penny...n i had an amazing time wv jon n varun n mich n lay geen n nick n goay...although nick was very blur...but its all good...we still love u nick...n at d end of d nite...i had a tummy ache cz of all dat laughter....dats how much we laughed...:D

ended up coming home at 430am...then yest went for lunch n then to a tattoo shop...nope...din get it done...yet...but found out its gonna cost me an easy rm300-500..on the other hand..bro invited me to go thailand with his frens at d end of june...so mite jst get it done there...since its much cheaper there...

wut else is there...having a slight case of split personality today...the bloody devil in me has been kept under lock n bars for abit too long n is revolting...he wants to come out n play...n with all the things my mind has gone through lately...its a little weak...n d devil is wasting no time in trying to get out...but im still sane...i think...lol...

well...thats all for now...b good...take care...n shall b bk when i have smth to blog abt...lol

Memories

ever wake up one morning n sud feel ur whole life press upon u like a giant wave....all the memories....all the sweet moments...all the sadness....the pain....everything....like a torrent of emotions...a giant wave...n u dun noe if u shud b happy or sad...

ur mood fluctuates so fast its not funny....1 sec a happy memory comes n ur on top of d world...d nxt a painful memory comes n ur fighting bk d tears...yes...to those of u who think u noe me...there r tears in my past...n there is pain as well...despite the happy-go-lucky person u c walking down the street...but i keep it all locked inside n hidden away...

until 1 fine day...like today...the dam jst breaks....n everything is let out....so i slowly push everything bk into the deepest corners n start to build up d damn...leaving out only the happy memories...n hope to collect more happy memories...so that the next time d damn breaks....mayb...jst mayb...ill have more happy thoughts then painful thoughts...

a friends blog mentioned abt "when was the last time i was happy"...not to me personally...but jst generally...n its true...i cant pin point a specific time frame....but there r many moments of happiness...such as when im out with the guys jst chillin....when i help a fren througha difficult time...when everyone is together n enjoying themselves...

life is not defined by the number of breaths u take my dear friend...it is defined by the number of moments that take ur breath away...n thanks to u...n many others...im blessed in those moments....n i gain more n more of those moments every day...

Music With Powerful Lyrics

2 songs i'm kinda addicted to rite now...really like them not only cz of d tune but also cz d lyrics r really nice,powerful n meaningful...

d 1st is Linkin Park - What I've Done

In this farewell,
There is no blood,
There is no alibi,
Cause I’ve drawn regret,
From the truth,
Of a thousands lies,
So let mercy come and wash away…

What I’ve Done,
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become,
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done…

Put to rest,
What you thought of me
While, I clean this slate,
With the hands,
Of uncertainty,
So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve Done,
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become,
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done…

For what I’ve done,
I start again,
And whatever pain may come,
Today this ends,
I’m forgiving what I’ve done…

I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become,
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done…

(Na,Na,Na) [Mike Shinoda!]

What I’ve Done,
What I’ve Done,
Forgiving what I’ve done…

and d 2nd is Good Charlotte - The River

As I walk through the valley
of the shadow of LA
The footsteps that were next to me
have gone their separate ways
I've seen enough now
to know that beautiful things
don't always stay that way
I've done enough now
to know this beautiful place
isn't everything they say

I heard that evil comes disguised
Like a city of angels
I'm walking towards the light

Baptized in the river
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city was a sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered
I'm delivered

[M.Shadows:]
You're from a small town
You're gonna grow up fast
underneath these lights
Down in Hollywood
on the boulevard the dead come back to life
To the praying Mother
And the worried Father
Let your children go
If they come back
They'll come home stronger
And if they don't you'll know

They say that evil comes disguised
Like a city of angels
I'm walking towards the light

Baptized in the river
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city was a sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered
I'm delivered

Baptized in the river (on my own)
Baptized in the river (on my own)
I wanna be delivered
(on my own, on my own)
Baptized in the river (on my own)
I wanna be delivered
Baptized in the river (on my own)
I wanna be delivered
Baptized in the river (on my own)
I wanna be delivered
I confess I'm a sinner
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered!

shud gv them a listen...really nice...:D

Experiments Of A Free Mind

so thats that...i woke up today and realized that the chaos was gone from my mind...there is nth left there...as suddenly as it came,it went...so it was that simple after all...ah well...now atleast i can focus on getting better n slamming my head against those books...yes...i've resorted to aarons attempts of osmosis studying...only because i have no idea how else to study java programming....of all d dumb courses i could have taken,y did i have to choose that???ah well...at least its only 1 semester...

as far as d experiments part go...i actually attempted to post this particular post in a foreign language...but after translating it to different languages and then bk again to english as wut u ppl wud have done to read it...i realized that the content was completely skewed n made not much sense wut so ever...n cud in fact have given d wrong impression...so i decided to stick to english..lol

well...dats all for now...shall go n do my work...which is wut u bums shud b doing instead of reading this....any excuse to get away from work will do wont it?u lazy slackers...although im also one of them lah...lol...yeah...i realize im rambling again...lol

I'm Sick

thats rite....its exam time...n im sick....cant believe it...i took such good care...ate my meals...ensured they were balanced....had proper sleep...granted i had stuff on my mind lah...but still...that chaos in my mind is d welcome comfort i feel that gives my d extra concentration i need during my exams...wut can i say...im a maths student through n through....i find comfort n solace in chaos...it gives me smth to fix n solve...so that cant b the cause...ah yes...after all the care...i skipped dinner jst one day...jst one meal...n the very nxt day my body was reacting already...ended up sleeping alot...woke up today wv sore throat n a mild flu...how nice...jst goes to show doesnt it...all u need is one moment of carelessness n all the carefulness goes down d drain...sigh...hope it doesnt last long....exams start on thurs...

Today Is Not My Day

*this post has been edited because it was written in anger n i was way out of line...to those involved...i m truly sorry....this is a formal apology especially to my house mate who has been my friend for 4 years...n been through thick n thin with me...she is in every way my sister but for the blood that runs through my veins...*

i m a lucky person....i have always had an unusual amount of luck on my side....

but today it ran out...n god wasted no time in taking this small window of opportunity to throw every curse he could at me....it jst was not my day....

"the gods sometimes bless us in the morning and curse us at night"...its from troy...n how true it seems to me rite now...i shall call it a night...n pray that when i wake...the window has closed n my luck has come bk to me...

Blessing = Curse

a smile.a face.a laugh.a hope.an inspiration.a blessing.

an intrusion.a distraction.a suffering.a curse.

its one way...at least i think it is...it started as an infatuation...but as she lingered in my mind more n more often...its gotten to more than that...now she puts a smile on my face in the morning and doesnt leave...then she stays there...n slowly n steadily...she becomes a distraction...

its painful cz i cant do nething abt it...its painful cz i didnt choose this...it jst happened...

its painful cz i would gv her the world if it wud mean she wud nvr b sad again...but at the same time...i cant gv her the world knowing that i wud have to take it away again in order to make others happy...others i have no choice but to keep happy due to my loyalty n love...

the gods bless us in the morning n curse us in the night....how true is this....sigh....so this is the path laid before me...where i suffer in silence...n hope that my closest of brothers n sisters can keep me from falling into the infinite darkness because of this...

on another note...sikh society agm was today....finally put that post to rest...now can jst chill as a normal member...shall still gv them full support...being in d board for a year has shown me how important support is n how hard it is to get...

The Fine Line

for those of u who dont noe or dun read manga...the person above is ichigo kurosaki from bleach...this pic depicts his constant n never ending battle between his conscious self n the demon that lies dormant within him....always in a fight there is a fine line between him winning himself or the demon taking over....the manga chronicles his life walking that fine line at all times...the fine line between the triumph of good or the destruction that evil will bring...

im treading on a few fine lines myself...so i feel sum kind of connection to this character...its exams season again...the pressure is building...n im walking the fine line between genius n insanity....concentrating all my will to stay out of the insanity zone...to not let the ever looming darkness swallow me up...

at the same time...im walking another fine line...a line not chosen by myself but another for me...a fine line between inspiration and distraction...at which point does the girl that puts a smile on my face change from being an inspiration to being a distraction?at which point is she entering n wandering through my mind too often?

im not alone...many others walk these and many other fine lines everyday...sum how its so real that its scary...that these fine lines...so fine u can hardly even see them....that sumthing so fine can make d difference between greatness and destruction...the difference between love and hate...the difference between comfort and awkwardness...the difference between happily ever after and suicidal thoughts....all because of a fine line we cant even see...

will u let the demon within u win?or will u fight it with everything u've got?

Results

got a call from amy last nite during my class....quite a few miscalls after my class when i checked my phone...so i called her bk...n this is wut she sed...

"I'm calling to tell u that u have been selected as the new vice president of information management for AIESEC UM..congratulations!"

yup...so after all dat waiting...n all that election process...n interview n self doubt....i actually managed to get it....now i gotta prove that i actually deserve it...:D

thankx so much to all those that stood by me n supported me...n to the past board who chose to gv me this chance....:D

Wandering Mind

we had a small "farewell" for goay imm last nite at our place....not that she is going newhere indefinitely...jst leaving today to bangkok for a holiday...but it was excuse enough to gather our frens n jst chill...it was really nice...cool kinda actually....jst to have everyone there n talking n watching tv n eating...

bk to d title...i noe i've sed i'm walking the single path...i noe she mite b reading...but i cant help it...i hv failed as far as she goes...i cud not find any solid connection...merely on the surface things...simply put...there is hardly any chemistry between us...if any at all...

on d flip side...there is another who keeps popping in n out of my mind...not that there is any hope there either...she too is out of my league for many different reasons starting wv parental consent all the way to d fact dat she way much higher than i'll ever b in the social n beauty strata...

ah well....at worse i can always shave my head,don an orange robe n go sit on d mountains...lol...neway....its exams season...got keep my head straight n focus on my studies...but ill say this...its a welcome feeling to wake with 1 specific person in mind...to have her sweet smile linger in my mind before i truly resign myself to the dull day dat lies ahead of me...to hv her face pop in my mind when im stressed...jst to relieve sum pressure n put a smile on my face...

so to u...my "ilham"..thank u for giving me smth to smile abt...even though u dun even realize it..:)

Picture Post

finally figured out how to do this...it was so simply i wanna smack myself for taking to so long to figure it out....neway...here goes...

jim and me during ap nite 07

juwita suwito's autograpgh


me with juwita suwito during YV07


the henna tattoo i got at YV07 carnival


d temp tattoo i got at curve flea market



hmmm....think thats all for now geh....will post up more when i got more time...:D

Past, Present and Future

Past

Aiesec elections jst ended last weekend...i have to say that the elections were a very new experience for me...its not all d same kind of high school elections we all went through where by those were more like popularity contests....

Aiesec elections are separated into 2 parts...d 1st is the vote of confidence...which took d whole of saturday...basicly what happens is...in d morning,the candidates for the president post also known as lcp will gv their 15 minutes speeches...then they all sit in front n 1 hour is given to the floor to ask them questions...then all members who have voting rights will take the ballot and confidence each candidate separately...that is to say...for each candidate, each voter must either cross that they have confidence in d candidate or no confidence...they do not choose the leader...merely state if they have confidence in him/her doing the task...once that is done...the same process is repeated in d afternoon with the candidate for the executive board also known as EB giving their 10 minutes speeches...the rest is the same...

the second part...after all that is done...at nite...the lcp candidates who passed the vote of confidence will go through an interview session with the current lcp and eb..n they will decide who the new lcp is...n the next day all the eb candidates will go for the same interview...

i was one of the candidates for the eb post...n it was a great experience...after the first day all the eb candidates came to my place n we chilled...celebrated passing the vote of confidence..n prepared for our interviews the next day...i actually JUST passed the vote of confidence...needed 19/28 votes to pass n i got exactly 19...so looks like if i pass d interview i've got a lot to prove...d interview was ok...n we shall noe the results by the end of this week...


Present

the new linkin park single "what i've done" jst came out yesterday...n i admit i downloaded it...only because u cant buy singles in malaysia...cz if i cud i wud have...n suffice to say...the 4 year wait for this new album was definitely worth it...every album the band comes out with is so different in style n type of music n content if compared to their previous works...but at d same time u can hear that it is distinctly linkin park...i cant wait for the new album "minutes to midnight" to be launched nxt month...n i'll be goin to klcc tmr to c chester bennington as he'll be here to promote the album n start the pre-sales...m very excited...:D


Future

my finals are coming soon...jst 2 weeks n 2days away now...m happy that my 5 papers are kind of spaced out jst nicely...not too much time in between papers...but jst enough to take a breather n prepare for the nxt...