The Box

was going through some old stuff just now...looking for my old affirmation booklet from my prefects camp bk in form 6....its been a day of nostalgia for me...spent d day at school catching up with my teachers then at nite met 2 old frens whom i havent seen in a really long time...

so yeah...bk to where i was....was looking for my old affirmation booklet from the prefects camp...

thats when i came across something else...

in the search of my memories of old, i found other remnants and other memories...

i opened the box...the booklet was at d top...i took it out...n then looked bk...

the hand towel i borrowed once long ago...it still had her smell...

the pizza hut mix n match leaflet....with a smiley face drawn into it and a note at the bottom...

i should have stopped....

the picture frame with a picture of us jst before the school drama...both smiling happily...the boy in dat picture bears no resemblance to the person staring at it now...2 completely different people...

the four and a half jars of different coloured little folded pieces of paper...

i reached for it...

n then pulled bk....the wounds were already threatening to re-open....

so i quickly closed the box...n pushed it away...bk into its hiding place where it could tempt n hurt me no more...

will i ever be able to look at d contents of dat box again?will i be able to stay steady?do i even want stay steady?do i even want to look at d contents again?

god alone noes...

for now i shall focus on the affirmation booklet...n bury those forbidden thoughts deep into d abyss at the back of my mind...

A Cynic

i woke up yesterday n realized that its exactly what i've become...

a cynic....no more n no less...

after all d failed attempt n failed relationships...after all the shit i see happening around me....i've come to believe that there is no love....there is no happily ever after....no romance....no chivalry...nothing...

well....in my case anyway....

n if anyone comes up to me and says "there is sum1 out there for all us..." i'm going to tell them "yes...there is sum1 for all of us out there...jst sum of those 'sum1's have moved on from this world before their other half could meet them...

love is a chemical reaction in ur brain....its jst an imagination...a hope...something to keep u thinking happy thoughts....its like a drug...n most people are addicted to it....don't believe me?

what happens to a junkie when u take away his drugs?

he gets angry...he gets upset....slowly he slips into depression and insanity....he hurts himself or others physically to divert his attention n restlessness....

sound familiar?

love is a drug....probably the most evil drug ever to exist among humans...simply because its the one drug that every single human being gets addicted to...whether they like it or not...

except the cynics....who have been through d roller coaster ride soo many times n been hurt so many n have hurt soo many times that finally put all their will n might into kicking the addiction...cz they no longer believe the drug works...or more like they no longer believe the happiness they get during the high is worth the pain n suffering they have to endure when its taken away from them...

so im joining their ranks...

there is only so much u can fight....only so much u can put your heart out there for.....it just doesnt seem like its worth it anymore...

"if u take yourself out of the game,at least you don't have to worry about getting your heart hurt or broken." - 'what happens in vegas'

The Peoples King

tommorow is the Kings birthday....read a blog...and i've seen the King stretch his muscles in the recent months...the blog is rite...His Majesty Tuanku Mizan is truly the Peoples King..

read it here