Forgive Me

i listened to this song after a loooong time...n suddenly the words meant so much more...n the pain was so much more real...it goes out to one person n one person only...i believe u noe who u r...:)




Title: Lifehouse - Blind lyrics

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
and still I have the pain I have to carry
a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
only in hopes of dreaming
that everything would be like is was before
but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go

after all this time
would you ever wanna leave it
maybe you could not believe it
that my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you will ever know
a part of me died when I let you go
and I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me dies when I let you go
----------------------------------------------
everything fits xcept d 2nd line of the 1st verse for it was me who left...

im sorry for the pain...im sorry for leaving when u needed me most...im sorry for not fighting harder for us....im sorry for not being more than i should have been...

"a part of me died when i let u go"
its true....in fact...more than a part of me died...u were my 1st...n will always be my 1st...no matter where i go...no matter what i do...the memories will always be with me...

but now...i have to move forward...n i think i finally mite b able to do that...after 2 long years....i think its time...

im sorry.

A New Face

finally modded my laptop....finally managed to upload d pics to my laptop...now im posting them here for d world(read:few lost souls who actually visit this site) to see...:D








p/s: yes....i changed my blog layout to PINK...jst for d fun of it....roflol

For The First Time

call it an epiphany or wut ever u wan...

but for the first time in almost over a year...im thinking straight again...i got my head screwed on d right way around...

this comes from lots of late nite chats with ruben...with varun...with my sis...with tracy...

comes from a lot of whacks on d head...sum quite painful ones...sum very metaphorical whacks...dat actually hurt more than d physical ones...

but it was all worth it...

things are so much clearer now...

realizing how really wrong it would have been....

i actually sed thank u to 2 ppl...they had a good laugh..lol

realizing how in sum situation i had unwittingly compromised my own principles...n stepped over boundaries that i nvr should have....

realizing that sometimes...
...u gotta jst be who u are...do ur part...n shut out d rest...
...its best to jst not care...
...people are fake cz they are actually afraid
...people who know u best actually know whats best for u
...my sis n tracy make a lot of sense
...age and a wide worldview can make all d difference
...n most of d time there is all the difference in d world between a girl n a woman
...brothers are there for a reason...n not always good reasons...
...people change...themselves...their mindsets...their principles...their ideals
...it actually is better to have NOT loved at all than to have loved n lost
...it is better to have loved n lost than not loved at all
...it is better to surround urself with true friends than bother urself with all the drama of a relationship
...d mind should take control of d heart
...d heart should be allowed to present its case

i m moving forward...

leaving d past in d past...

i tried different roads...different paths...i have traveled the road less taken...n i have traveled the road that many travel on...

i have realized that the road less taken is better...n even better than that is making ur own road...

so for now...i m going bk to d road less traveled...lonely though it may be...there are many more adventures...n some things i jst need to do on my own...

for those who have been worried about me these past couple of weeks...dun worry...i am fine now...i have d right support as i always have had...

if i did not confide in u...do not take it too harshly...i simply only confide in family...as they have seen me through my darkest hours and know what im truly capable of...n certain aspects of me..unless u r family...u will not understand...n u will not be able to accept...thats jst d way life is...

i'll be back on my 2 feet before u noe it...u wont even realize dat i was gone...:)

I Am Worth Sooo Much More

disclaimer: this is MY experience...it is what I have gone through...if u feel i have implicated u in this post...too bad...take it up with me personally or shut the fuck up...

i have regressed...AIESEC was supposed to have expanded my horizons...it was supposed to have done soo much more for me...as a person...in terms of growth and everything...

dun get me wrong...AIESEC...the idea of it...the organization itself..the goals are good and the visions are solid...

but the people...the so called change agents...its less than ideal...

i spent a year in switzerland...i graduated from high school there...i was who i was...fearless...outspoken...independent of politics and wut other people thought...

but aiesec sucked me bk into high school...cz thats the mentality there...it really is...u aren't judged on how much work u do...or how much u contribute...u r judged on how good u look...if u fit into the "in" crowd or not...u r judged by how well u can play the political games....by how fake u can be...

i have regressed...

i poured my heart n soul into this organization...but wut do i have to show for it?

-pain
-heartache
-trials
-tribulations
-mockeries

my whole life for the past one year or so has been aiesec...the people i go to eat with...the people i drink with...the people i see everyday...n slowly..n steadily...their mindsets effected me...

they made me truly believe that i am less than wut i truly am...they made me believe that malaysian guys are worthless...that we dunno how to do anything rite...that our western counterparts are soo much better...

but how do they noe?

have they lived with them before?have they seen our western counterparts for wut they truly are?

NO...they have not...all they have are little girlish images and visions that are so far from the truth...their visions are about as far from the truth as i am as far away from heaven while sitting on my throne in hell...

but i am finally finding myself again...listening to those who truly noe me...listening to myself again...my voice that has been silenced for oh so long...

I AM WORTH SO MUCH MORE...

i am who i am...im no model...but i aint that bad looking either...i got the looks...n i got the personality...i AM a great guy...n im finally getting back that confidence again...

to the girls who r reading this...who still think so highly of my western counterparts....who think my western counterpart are soo much better than our local boys...

let me tell u this...i was much much more obnoxious than this back in switzerland n i was considered there to b better than the other guys....more gentlemanly than them...n i came bk...n i had to tone down abit...

this is toned down...if u cant even handle me...u really think u got a chance handling them?

wake up...i've learnt my lesson...i'm moving on...i'm moving out of high school again...its about time u people decided to grow up as well...

good bye people

Its Time

time to take a step back...

i hv pushed passed all of my limits....i hit those limits so long ago....

i surpassed all my limits....meantal...physical...emotional...

it was only a matter of time...

but when it happened...even i didn't see it coming...

1 minute i was standing...whole...

the next i had broken...burnt out...worn out...

there is only so far so u can push pass your limits...

to those that are taking up the slack for me...i apologize...i sincerely do...but i really need to take a step back...

to collect myself...

to put myself back together...

to gather my focuses...

to get back on track...

the time has come....i'm taking control...n i'm taking a step back.