Experiments Of A Free Mind

so thats that...i woke up today and realized that the chaos was gone from my mind...there is nth left there...as suddenly as it came,it went...so it was that simple after all...ah well...now atleast i can focus on getting better n slamming my head against those books...yes...i've resorted to aarons attempts of osmosis studying...only because i have no idea how else to study java programming....of all d dumb courses i could have taken,y did i have to choose that???ah well...at least its only 1 semester...

as far as d experiments part go...i actually attempted to post this particular post in a foreign language...but after translating it to different languages and then bk again to english as wut u ppl wud have done to read it...i realized that the content was completely skewed n made not much sense wut so ever...n cud in fact have given d wrong impression...so i decided to stick to english..lol

well...dats all for now...shall go n do my work...which is wut u bums shud b doing instead of reading this....any excuse to get away from work will do wont it?u lazy slackers...although im also one of them lah...lol...yeah...i realize im rambling again...lol

I'm Sick

thats rite....its exam time...n im sick....cant believe it...i took such good care...ate my meals...ensured they were balanced....had proper sleep...granted i had stuff on my mind lah...but still...that chaos in my mind is d welcome comfort i feel that gives my d extra concentration i need during my exams...wut can i say...im a maths student through n through....i find comfort n solace in chaos...it gives me smth to fix n solve...so that cant b the cause...ah yes...after all the care...i skipped dinner jst one day...jst one meal...n the very nxt day my body was reacting already...ended up sleeping alot...woke up today wv sore throat n a mild flu...how nice...jst goes to show doesnt it...all u need is one moment of carelessness n all the carefulness goes down d drain...sigh...hope it doesnt last long....exams start on thurs...

Today Is Not My Day

*this post has been edited because it was written in anger n i was way out of line...to those involved...i m truly sorry....this is a formal apology especially to my house mate who has been my friend for 4 years...n been through thick n thin with me...she is in every way my sister but for the blood that runs through my veins...*

i m a lucky person....i have always had an unusual amount of luck on my side....

but today it ran out...n god wasted no time in taking this small window of opportunity to throw every curse he could at me....it jst was not my day....

"the gods sometimes bless us in the morning and curse us at night"...its from troy...n how true it seems to me rite now...i shall call it a night...n pray that when i wake...the window has closed n my luck has come bk to me...

Blessing = Curse

a smile.a face.a laugh.a hope.an inspiration.a blessing.

an intrusion.a distraction.a suffering.a curse.

its one way...at least i think it is...it started as an infatuation...but as she lingered in my mind more n more often...its gotten to more than that...now she puts a smile on my face in the morning and doesnt leave...then she stays there...n slowly n steadily...she becomes a distraction...

its painful cz i cant do nething abt it...its painful cz i didnt choose this...it jst happened...

its painful cz i would gv her the world if it wud mean she wud nvr b sad again...but at the same time...i cant gv her the world knowing that i wud have to take it away again in order to make others happy...others i have no choice but to keep happy due to my loyalty n love...

the gods bless us in the morning n curse us in the night....how true is this....sigh....so this is the path laid before me...where i suffer in silence...n hope that my closest of brothers n sisters can keep me from falling into the infinite darkness because of this...

on another note...sikh society agm was today....finally put that post to rest...now can jst chill as a normal member...shall still gv them full support...being in d board for a year has shown me how important support is n how hard it is to get...

The Fine Line

for those of u who dont noe or dun read manga...the person above is ichigo kurosaki from bleach...this pic depicts his constant n never ending battle between his conscious self n the demon that lies dormant within him....always in a fight there is a fine line between him winning himself or the demon taking over....the manga chronicles his life walking that fine line at all times...the fine line between the triumph of good or the destruction that evil will bring...

im treading on a few fine lines myself...so i feel sum kind of connection to this character...its exams season again...the pressure is building...n im walking the fine line between genius n insanity....concentrating all my will to stay out of the insanity zone...to not let the ever looming darkness swallow me up...

at the same time...im walking another fine line...a line not chosen by myself but another for me...a fine line between inspiration and distraction...at which point does the girl that puts a smile on my face change from being an inspiration to being a distraction?at which point is she entering n wandering through my mind too often?

im not alone...many others walk these and many other fine lines everyday...sum how its so real that its scary...that these fine lines...so fine u can hardly even see them....that sumthing so fine can make d difference between greatness and destruction...the difference between love and hate...the difference between comfort and awkwardness...the difference between happily ever after and suicidal thoughts....all because of a fine line we cant even see...

will u let the demon within u win?or will u fight it with everything u've got?