in n out of consciousness....
in n out of sanity....
in n out of depression....
my mind is a wreck....
my life is a mess....
one minute i'm fine n happy....d next thing i know i'm down n gloomy....
i don't know how much fight i have left in me...sometimes it just seems so much easier to give in to it all....to give up on everything...love, life...just everything.....
i'm sick of crawling on the edges between light n dark....
sick of my mind playing games on me....
sick of facing people....
sick of wearing a stupid mask....
the things that used to be a comfort to me somehow no longer are a comfort...
i shy away from friends....afraid of myself n how i might screw myself over again....
i shy away from family....afraid that i'll be seen as just annoying.....
i shy away from alcohol....afraid of the nightmares it may bring....
i shy away from myself....afraid of my mind n its games....
i shy away from society....afraid that i may end up a shadow among the crowd like d rest of them....
i shy away from life....afraid of what pain it has in store for me next....
the walls are closing in....n the lights are getting dimmer....
how much more fight i have left in me i do not know....
i pray for strength....
i pray for courage....
i pray for faith....
i pray my prayers are answered....for if not...then there is nothing left to fight for....
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to be alive again after dying is an unimaginable feeling
About Me
- ananddave
- i am a walking contradiction... i drink like a fish,smoke like a chimney and party like a rockstar yet my grades show me to be a nerd... i m in d actuary class yet i m an outcast thats loves piercings and tattoos... i m a mommas boy yet i m d mommas boy that will knock u out if i have to, not d mommas boy that listens quietly n combs my hair neatly... i m a fucker and a jackass yet i m a nice guy... i m a grizzly bear on the outside yet i m a teddy bear on the inside... see...m i not a walking contradiction?
2 comments:
we'd never understand the sweet, if we never experienced the bitter. u'd never know the highs, if u've never felt the lows.
look at it this way: the bad times are a way of preparing you for the fantastic times ahead.
now u know what it means to be dirt, u'll know what to do to be a man.
and a man is what u'll be. ffs, u're a Pannu! :D
have a lil faith in u, cos if u don't, who'd have faith in u, then?
treat urself like a man, and others would treat u like one. why settle when u can have the best, rite?
after all, good things come to those who wait. really.
enjoy the things that make you happy. yourself :P your life, your family, your friends, the people around you.
when you're so busy enjoying life and being happy, you wouldn't even realise time flies, and for all you know, suddenly everything you've always wanted is now already yours. or maybe, u've learnt to want the things you have. and all the other things no longer matters :)
cheers, dude... it's the closing of a year, the starting of another...
like you taught me, now:
chin on the table, eye on the water..... ;)
hugs :)
And I pray for you, Anand. I suppose we all feel that way sometimes. I hope that there will be people around you to give you faith and strength, and soon enough, you'll be okay again.
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