jason ling is a fren of mine who sum how d both of us have slowly drifted apart...partially or mostly my fault...he tried to patch things up...n i tried...but sumhow...we nvr really managed to go bk to the way things were...now there's a song that keeps playing on d radio n d 1st thing that comes to mind when i hear it is him...
its "how to save a life" by the fray...the part that really hits home is this:
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
pretty much describes the situation when he first came to patch things up...i nvr told him...but d fact is...d fact dat he made d 1st move makes him already a better man than me...n im truly happy n grateful that he did it...at least we still talk sumtimes n can still hang out...n he is turning 22 in 2 days time...1/2...Happy Birthday man...:)
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
My Life the Soap Opera
disclaimer:to the ppl who r involved in the things im abt to write abt...im not complaining...my phone n heart is always open to u ppl...:D
rite...jst realized that my life is quite similar to a soap opera...mayb its coz of d way i view my frens n d way dat if they come to me wv their problems, i feel that their problem is my problem...like if ur arm hurts,ur head or legs cant exactly ignore...u noe...
so first i had to help out 2 of my frens who kinda screwed each other up...though its more a twist of fate rather than nething else...but yeah...1 broke the others heart...the other retaliated by breaking the firsts family...so to speak...n there i am...trying my best to help them mend things n move on...time is d key...slowly n steadily...everything cleared up...
n jst as that was clearing...another fren comes to wv an unexpected twist of things that happened to her n she doesnt noe how to deal with things...so enter me trying to help her oso...
as i look bk...dats seems to be how my life has always been...1 frens crisis after another...n when my frens dun have any crisis,its me that has a crisis...perpetual soap opera...can almost hear the theme to bold and the beautiful or general hospital in the background now....lol...
rite...jst realized that my life is quite similar to a soap opera...mayb its coz of d way i view my frens n d way dat if they come to me wv their problems, i feel that their problem is my problem...like if ur arm hurts,ur head or legs cant exactly ignore...u noe...
so first i had to help out 2 of my frens who kinda screwed each other up...though its more a twist of fate rather than nething else...but yeah...1 broke the others heart...the other retaliated by breaking the firsts family...so to speak...n there i am...trying my best to help them mend things n move on...time is d key...slowly n steadily...everything cleared up...
n jst as that was clearing...another fren comes to wv an unexpected twist of things that happened to her n she doesnt noe how to deal with things...so enter me trying to help her oso...
as i look bk...dats seems to be how my life has always been...1 frens crisis after another...n when my frens dun have any crisis,its me that has a crisis...perpetual soap opera...can almost hear the theme to bold and the beautiful or general hospital in the background now....lol...
Sunday, January 28, 2007
To My Angels
this post is a special dedication to all my angels who r always watching over me...
1stly of course....though i doubt they read my blog...my mum n dad...who have been behind me no matter wut i do in my life...even when i went way off the correct road...they walked down the bad road jst to pull me bk to the right side of life...without them,i'd b sum junkie in sum gutter if i were even still alive to begin with....so to them...i owe them everything i can gv them...i love u mum n dad...i may not say it as often as i used to...but it only deepens with each day...
to my brother...whom i nvr got along with until i came bk from switzerland...to a person whom i used to fight with n despise every day i lived...but now i look up to him...i c now that in his own way...he has been guiding me through my life all the time...he has thought me so much abt life...so much that i can nvr truly put into words...my only hope is that 1 day i can at least b half the man that he is now...if i can evr even reach that...i noe that ill b ok....so if ur reading this kiran...i love u...no matter wut has happened in the past,u hv always been there for me n i noe that u always will b there for me....thank u doesnt even come close to the gratitude i feel towards u but thats all i can offer...
to my sis....my sis who has molded me into who i am...who thought me how a woman feels n thinks...n who has been there backing me up in the worst of times...my sis who has ever given me advice on everything i needed...who has stayed up listening to all my pathetic tales...always there as a shoulder to cry on..i noe ur going off soon...but no matter wut...i noe ur always 1 call away...n in the same way...ill always b 1 call away if u need a shoulder...
aaron singh...my brother...in every aspect of the word except for the blood that runs through our veins...the only person alive who truly noes me through n through....the only person who has walked through the very fires of hell with me n has stood by me no matter wut...there r no words i can put down that cud justify everything we have gone through...but u noe deep down in ur heart n in mine...where we both stand with each other
ferdy and michelle....though we dun speak as much anymore...u2 have always been there silently supporting me even if u2 have no idea wut my reasons are...always there in the background urging me on...keeping me true to my ideals n principles...reminding me at times who i really m...n even though at times,mich,u push the limits of my patience n loyalty...u always noe jst when to stop pushing n standing ur ground...im eternally gratefull to both of u..
ruben,jim n varun....how do i even begin to describe the 3 of u...u3 have kept me from falling into the darkness n into insanity time n again...my hommies...my brothers...my pillars...i thank u for being there when i needed u...n even though u guys have nvr actually walked wv me through the fires of hell as aaron has...i noe in my heart that if ever the time came when i need u guys to walk through it wv me,i noe that u will walk wv me no questions asked...its a comfort n a blessing...
to lester n rakawi...my frens from kuching...my true frens...no matter how much time n distance seperates us...every time we meet...nth has changed...when im down..u guys always find a way to cheer me up...u helped me stay on the right path at a time that i cud hv walked bk down the wrong road at any time...always knew the real me...no matter wut the world said...i will nvr forget u guys...
last but not least...jill,pinkie,yeehui n eelin...my frens who have seen me through so much...whom have always encouraged me n kept me going...im truly blessed to have had u guys in my life..
these are the angels that r behind me no matter what i do or where i go...im eternally grateful to all of u all...i truly love n cherish every 1 of u all...thank u so much for being there for me..u all r truly the angels god has sent down to protect n watch over me...
1stly of course....though i doubt they read my blog...my mum n dad...who have been behind me no matter wut i do in my life...even when i went way off the correct road...they walked down the bad road jst to pull me bk to the right side of life...without them,i'd b sum junkie in sum gutter if i were even still alive to begin with....so to them...i owe them everything i can gv them...i love u mum n dad...i may not say it as often as i used to...but it only deepens with each day...
to my brother...whom i nvr got along with until i came bk from switzerland...to a person whom i used to fight with n despise every day i lived...but now i look up to him...i c now that in his own way...he has been guiding me through my life all the time...he has thought me so much abt life...so much that i can nvr truly put into words...my only hope is that 1 day i can at least b half the man that he is now...if i can evr even reach that...i noe that ill b ok....so if ur reading this kiran...i love u...no matter wut has happened in the past,u hv always been there for me n i noe that u always will b there for me....thank u doesnt even come close to the gratitude i feel towards u but thats all i can offer...
to my sis....my sis who has molded me into who i am...who thought me how a woman feels n thinks...n who has been there backing me up in the worst of times...my sis who has ever given me advice on everything i needed...who has stayed up listening to all my pathetic tales...always there as a shoulder to cry on..i noe ur going off soon...but no matter wut...i noe ur always 1 call away...n in the same way...ill always b 1 call away if u need a shoulder...
aaron singh...my brother...in every aspect of the word except for the blood that runs through our veins...the only person alive who truly noes me through n through....the only person who has walked through the very fires of hell with me n has stood by me no matter wut...there r no words i can put down that cud justify everything we have gone through...but u noe deep down in ur heart n in mine...where we both stand with each other
ferdy and michelle....though we dun speak as much anymore...u2 have always been there silently supporting me even if u2 have no idea wut my reasons are...always there in the background urging me on...keeping me true to my ideals n principles...reminding me at times who i really m...n even though at times,mich,u push the limits of my patience n loyalty...u always noe jst when to stop pushing n standing ur ground...im eternally gratefull to both of u..
ruben,jim n varun....how do i even begin to describe the 3 of u...u3 have kept me from falling into the darkness n into insanity time n again...my hommies...my brothers...my pillars...i thank u for being there when i needed u...n even though u guys have nvr actually walked wv me through the fires of hell as aaron has...i noe in my heart that if ever the time came when i need u guys to walk through it wv me,i noe that u will walk wv me no questions asked...its a comfort n a blessing...
to lester n rakawi...my frens from kuching...my true frens...no matter how much time n distance seperates us...every time we meet...nth has changed...when im down..u guys always find a way to cheer me up...u helped me stay on the right path at a time that i cud hv walked bk down the wrong road at any time...always knew the real me...no matter wut the world said...i will nvr forget u guys...
last but not least...jill,pinkie,yeehui n eelin...my frens who have seen me through so much...whom have always encouraged me n kept me going...im truly blessed to have had u guys in my life..
these are the angels that r behind me no matter what i do or where i go...im eternally grateful to all of u all...i truly love n cherish every 1 of u all...thank u so much for being there for me..u all r truly the angels god has sent down to protect n watch over me...
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Off Loyalties, Trust and True Friends
Funny how my blog is again starting with a dark kinda post...my plast blog,located at http://idiot-jackass.blogs.friendster.com/this_is_for_me/ , also started with a dark post...ah well...i guess im jst dark...in more ways then one...considering im an indian...:D (yes goddamnit...im indian,black n damn well proud abt it!)
well...the move came as an unexpected surprise for...wanted to post a comment on a frens blog...ended up having to register wv blogspot...n rite at dat time sum ppl i did not want to have nething to do wv decided to post a comment on my blog which i cudnt remove...which would b the flaw of friendster blogs...
rite then...im gonna make it very clear rite here in my first post at blogspot...im kinda a loner...i have very few frens....but those that i have r loyal to me as i m to them...i would die for them n i noe they would do the same for me...i trust them wv everything n they me with everything...these are my true friends....my entended family...those i have chosen myself in my life...those that have n will walk through the very fires of hell with me when i go there at the end of the day to rule it....
as for other friends...i have a few...n im a very trusting person...but unfortunately...my trust wv normal frens is limited to one chance...if u ever betray my trust...ever...i will have nth to do wv u nemore...its very simple...i take enough shit from society on a day to day basis...if i cant trust d ppl arnd me...then im fucked...so if u betray me...i'd rather not have u arnd...n i dun care how much u think its unfair or that im being mean or wut evet d hell....its my life that hangs in d balance....its my choice....
so...jst in case that person particular person...u noe who u are...in case u have no shame n r still reading...remember this....i wan nth to do wv u...d deepest darkest corners of hell r reserved for traitors n mutineers...n if u keep bugging me...remember that at the end of the day,age,world...I will be the one who will b ruling hell wv my band of brothers....n i assure u i well trully make it sheer hell for u if u do not leave me alone....
well...the move came as an unexpected surprise for...wanted to post a comment on a frens blog...ended up having to register wv blogspot...n rite at dat time sum ppl i did not want to have nething to do wv decided to post a comment on my blog which i cudnt remove...which would b the flaw of friendster blogs...
rite then...im gonna make it very clear rite here in my first post at blogspot...im kinda a loner...i have very few frens....but those that i have r loyal to me as i m to them...i would die for them n i noe they would do the same for me...i trust them wv everything n they me with everything...these are my true friends....my entended family...those i have chosen myself in my life...those that have n will walk through the very fires of hell with me when i go there at the end of the day to rule it....
as for other friends...i have a few...n im a very trusting person...but unfortunately...my trust wv normal frens is limited to one chance...if u ever betray my trust...ever...i will have nth to do wv u nemore...its very simple...i take enough shit from society on a day to day basis...if i cant trust d ppl arnd me...then im fucked...so if u betray me...i'd rather not have u arnd...n i dun care how much u think its unfair or that im being mean or wut evet d hell....its my life that hangs in d balance....its my choice....
so...jst in case that person particular person...u noe who u are...in case u have no shame n r still reading...remember this....i wan nth to do wv u...d deepest darkest corners of hell r reserved for traitors n mutineers...n if u keep bugging me...remember that at the end of the day,age,world...I will be the one who will b ruling hell wv my band of brothers....n i assure u i well trully make it sheer hell for u if u do not leave me alone....
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